Build A Support Team
Depression is often an lonely and isolating experience. I have often had the sense that it is like being under cold water, numb to much of the vitality and life that is going on the land of the living above. Another image is of being in the middle of the room where the walls are collapsing inward. Depression is not something you can successfully deal with yourself. You will need a support team. Here are some suggestions about what kind of support team might be helpful:
1. Psychiatrist
For those who have never been to a psychiatrist, it might seem like a terrifying and strange proposition. I remember my first visit to one. I felt odd and ashamed. I thought, "So, it has come to this. I am now crazy and have to be given a drug to get some relief." As I walked down the hallway from the waiting room to doctor's office, I felt more like I was going to the principal's office than to a place where I was going to get some help. For most people with depression, they will need the support and guidance of good psychiatrist.. Most psychiatrist will not "counsel you." That is not their role. They are there to provide sound medical advice about whether or not you will need medication to help you deal with your depression.
The evidence seems to be strong that depression, regardless of its causes, has profound effects on the neurochemistry of our brains and the body generally. No matter how much you try to will yourself to "snap out of it", it simply doesn't work. Most of us will need some pharmacological assistance for either the short or long haul. Anti-depressants are not a crutch, but one tool in your self-care "tool chest" to assist you in calming the terrible physical dimension of depression -- interrupted sleep, weight gain or loss, difficulty concentrating, body pains and aches. A good psychiatrist is a must, but it is not enough. This is so because in addition to the somatic dimension of depression, there is often disordered thinking. This is where a therapist steps in.
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2. Therapist
This can be a psychologist (someone with a doctorate in psychology) or a psychotherapist (someone with a masters degree in social work). I have seen both over the years and found both satisfying and productive experiences. The therapist assists the depressive in confronting and overcoming destructive thoughts and behavior which support and/or promote depression. An old therapist of mine used to call it "crooked thinking." By that he meant thoughts which often don't have a basis in "objective reality" (e.g. "I'm not good at anything"), but which we believe wholeheartedly to be true. I have often thought of the analogy of eating nutritious food to support a healthy body. We must, in a sense, eat and consume healthy and true thoughts which reflect a basic self-respect and self-caring. When that is absent, we get caught up in the vortex of negative thoughts and emotions which can plummet us into a depression. Those negative thoughts need to be shared with our therapist who can help us reflect on whether our thinking is "crooked".
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3. Family
| ". . . men often harbor depression for decades because they think that talking about it would make them appear 'weak' and that just isn't manly in our society." |
In my own experience, I would often try to shield or protect my family from my "Noonday Demon." Upon arriving home from work after "surviving" another day of depression, my wife would lovingly ask me how my day was. I would often grunt my reply: "Just fine," and change the subject. I didn't want to worry her. I didn't want my young daughter to suffer or sense any of my pain. Yet, all this strategy did was further support my denial and increase my sense of isolation. I would often lament in my private moments, "nobody loves me or cares," as if this were actually true. I felt this isolation and loneliness deep in my bones. But I realized that I was the one keeping myself isolated from my wife. By refusing to share my feelings with her, I was denying her the opportunity to help and care for me. After visiting the psychiatrist together recently, my lovely wife said to the good doctor: "You take good care of my husband". I felt wonderful hearing her say such supportive and loving words. So often people, especially men, feel that they are required by some unspoken code to endure pain and suffering. In his wonderful book, "I Don't Want to Talk About It", author Terrance Real says men often harbor depression for decades because they think that talking about it would make them appear "weak" and that just isn't manly in our society. Yet, sooner or later, this denial of our pain will eventually catch up to us. The wheels will start falling off the bus that is our life: Our health will deteriorate, we will begin self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, we will estrange our loved ones. Our families need to be our allies in our attempts to get and stay healthy; not strangers who are shut out by us.
Click Here For Information About Family And Depression
Click Here For More Information About Family And Depression
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4. Friends
Select friends need to know about your depression. These might be people who see you everyday at work or in the neighborhood. At first, they may not understand your depression if they have never experienced it themselves. They are more likely to equate it with the normal difficulties and ups and downs encountered by everyone from time to time. Yet, those commonplace experiences are not the same as depression. Full blown depression often results in profound impairments in one's day-to-day life. But friends, with time, may learn to understand and be another loving support for you. A dear friend that I work with often goes out to lunch with me. During these breaks in my day, I can stop and reflect with him about what is going on with me. Sometimes, if I have been sliding into a depressive episode, his loving presence, insight and humor help pull me back and help me gain some clarity and stability.
5. Nutritionist
I recently started seeing one and am at the beginning of my journey on this front. Yet, it seems to me that my mood B for better and worse B is always affected by what I eat and drink. During my depressive times, I have a "I don"t care" attitude about what I eat.
| "There was no loving care for myself in which I stopped and reflected: "Is this good for me? Is eating this hot fudge sundae really going to take away my sadness?" |
I want comfort and want it now. Premimum ice cream and coffee are my chief vices. Growing up in a traumatic household, my large Polish family usually resorted to food to calm the violent winds blowing through our home. Food was so dependable; like a good friend. Yet, there has been little consciousness associated with my eating habits over the years. I didn't think much about what I was choosing to eat. There was no loving care for myself in which I stopped and reflected: "Is this good for me? Is eating this hot fudge sundae really going to take away my sadness?". There have been scores of books written on the topic of foods and its relationship to depression. We are, after all, chemical organisms and food, in its rawest form, is made up of chemicals. We need to be mindful of the connection between what we eat and our moods. A nutritionist may be helpful in this regard.
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Click Here For More Information About Nutrition
6. Massage
I also have found a great deal of relief here. I don't do it as often as I should (my brother goes once a month as part of his basic self-care program), but I feel great afterwards. In a sense, we are all physical animals and need to be touched in a loving way. Massage can be a strong antidote to the poisonous sense of isolation and unlovability we so often experience.
Click Here For Information About Massage
Click Here For More Information About Massage
7. Trainer/Friend to Exercise With
Exercise is important. For someone with depression, it is critical. Several scientific studies have concluded that exercise is as effective in the treatment of moderate depression as anti-depressant medication. Exercise seems to promote good neurochemistry in our brain and gives us more energy. I often feel good about myself because I have "done something" concrete that I know is good for me. I think the greatest hurdle to overcome in getting the real benefits of exercise is doing it on a regular basis. I am not very good at this. I start, give up, and then start all over again, even though I know in my head that it is good for me and that I will feel better. Depression can moor us to a profound sense of being too tired to even exercise. We need others to encourage us to exercise. Having an appointment to regularly go to with a trainer at a gym or making a schedule with a friend that you exercise with are both good options.
Click Here For Information About Exercise
Click Here For More Information About Exercise
8. Good Books
I love reading and most lawyers that I know do also. It has always been one of my greatest pleasures and I see books as my friends. With some authors you can even feel a profound intimacy, as though they are speaking directly to you and are there with you in the trenches. Fine literature is nurturing. So are books about spirituality, health and personal growth. We should always have good books handy wherever we go.
Click here to see some books that I have found to be particularly helpful.
9. Good Music
Like good books, music has the capacity to nourish us. It seems to appeal to our emotional selves and can encourage us to lead better lives. I love gospel music and soul/funk; especially the up-beat variety. I often find it triumphant and uplifting. It can even add a bounce to my step and relax my frown. I-Pod's are a wonderful invention. We can keep our music handy and portable. Think about creating a "play list" that you can easily access.
10. Prayer/Mindfulness Group
I believe this to be a critical aspect of recovery. I have experimented over the years with Contemplative Catholic Spirituality using centering prayer and Buddhist meditation which deals with developing mindfulness and awareness. I will be writing separate articles about each of these topics. Although prayer and meditation are compatible with therapy, they are fundamentally different. I believe that therapy works with the ego, our day-to-day dealings with the world. Often, a therapist doesn't particularly share our spiritual viewpoints or aspirations. As such, it is important to seek out a community of people who do share such aspirations. In Catholicism, the community or "body of Christ" is vital to one's faith. At its best, the eucharist which we share is a beautiful expression of praying and working together for justice and mercy on a daily basis. Buddhists speak of the "sangha" which is a group of people who meet regularly to practice meditation, mindfulness, virtuous behavior and hear "dharma talks" about the "middle way". Click here to find out more about mindfulness and depression. These and other forms of spirituality are paths to wholeness.
Click Here For Information About Mindfulness
Click Here For More Information About Mindfulness
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Click Here For More Information About Prayer
11. Depression Support Group
This involves a group of lawyers meeting on a regular basis to discuss their experiences dealing with depression. Yet, when I sought out such a group in my own community, none existed. That is when I started to try and facilitate one into being. The group has just started, but I am very excited about it because I believe it could be so helpful. People who know what the practice of law is about and who deal with depression. Given that statistics show that lawyers are four times more likely to suffer from depression, it would appear that this group of professionals may have something unique to share. To begin lawyer support group in your area, I would suggest contacting your local Bar Association to get their help and input. Most associations have a "Lawyers Assistance Program" and/or "Lawyers Helping Lawyers" program. My local Bar also has a "Bar Foundation" which was set up to help attorneys with a multitude of problems. A counselor who worked for the Foundation had a list of people who had called seeking help for problems with depression. I had breakfast with that counselor to explain that I wanted to facilitate the creation of a support group. She then contacted all the attorneys on her list and asked if they might be interested in such a group. The overwhelming majority of the people she called were very interested! There are many in our profession who have suffered a long time with depression, but never had anywhere to go for support from other attorneys. Helping to facilitate and start a group would be a step in the right direction both for you and others.
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