Reasons Why Attorneys And Other High Achievers Might Suffer From Depression
by Rachel Long, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., Esq.

Editor’s Note: Rachel Long, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., Esq., has a Masters degree in Social Work from New York University and has been practicing as a therapist for over 12 years(www.rlongcounseling.com). In addition to her private practice as a therapist she also teaches Sociology part-time at Bergen Community College and graduated from Rutgers University Law School in 2002. Ms. Long maintains a small legal practice in Bergen County New Jersey as well (www.RachelLongLaw.com).

If one were to examine the characteristics of various professionals, you would likely notice a pattern wherein each profession tended to attract people with similar characteristics and the legal profession is no different. It would seem even someone who wasn’t a lawyer might notice that the legal profession tends to attract people who are achievement oriented and driven towards success. While these characteristics can often be viewed as positive, the individual who needs to fulfill the drive for achievement and success can also suffer from difficulties such as depression when they feel they can’t meet their own expectations. As a psychotherapist who has treated people with depression for years, including an attorney and other high achievers, as well as also being an attorney myself, I am very familiar with the down side of possessing such traits.

For Many This Process Begins Before Law School

Most law schools require new candidates to possess a certain level of academic achievement in order to be accepted. Therefore, most new students arrive at law school with a history of receiving concrete forms of validation for their achievements in the form of grades, awards, and being selected for opportunities over their peers. They also likely have a history of receiving verbal and other forms of validation from their parents, family members, teachers, and others. In some cases, whether it be through rewards or just a clear message of high expectations, these individuals over time started to believe that if they put in the time and effort they would be acknowledged and that acknowledgement became extremely important.

For many of these individuals, receiving acknowledgement from others is the most important validation for their efforts, abilities and skills. This often becomes central to their identity. For many, it’s more than just achieving success for success sake, it becomes so entrenched in who they are that they perceive they are nothing without quantifiable achievements. This creates what I call the perfection/failure trap. This occurs when individuals feel that if they don’t do something perfectly or very close to it, they have failed. Some individuals, who are attorneys, as well as those in other prestigious professions, may believe they won’t be loved by others or they are not worthy of love or acceptance without such achievements. For some this is based on a history of only receiving praise, affection or rewards in response to an acceptable performance. Therefore, they learned to perform very well. For many this was reinforced with all of the grades, ribbons, awards, etc. that came during their childhood, adolescence and even in college. Many were previously able to achieve such accolades and shine above the rest until they entered law school.

Law School May Be The Trigger That Awakens These Issues

In most law schools in the United States there are two common practices which can shatter the confidence and begin to break down the self esteem of the first year law student whose self esteem is based upon achievement and the validation of others. The first is the mandatory “B” curve, and the other is the Socratic method. (Not to mention how many law schools inform their first year students at orientation that many of their classmates will not be walking beside them at graduation due to the arduous first year experience.)

First, there is the mandatory “B” curve. While not exactly the same at all law schools, most have some variation of the “B” curve incorporated into their program. This is often a shock to the system of many law students accustomed to receiving not just A’s but a grade that reflects their effort. With the mandatory grading curve, they are subject to receiving a grade based on how they did compared to their peers. So not only are they not receiving a grade based upon their individual effort, but two-thirds of the class are receiving the Bs and Cs they may not be used to. This also serves as a constant reminder that some one else did better than they did. So for those stuck in the perfection/failure trap that translates to being “not good enough” and unworthy. This can be incredibly frustrating and demoralizing.

Secondly, the Socratic method can also break down a student’s confidence and self-esteem. While not all law professors seek to humiliate the students, even in the most friendly of classrooms, the professors’ goal is at a minimum to put students on the spot. Often students might be embarrassed in front of their peers when they don’t have all the answers the professor might be looking for. While some of the professor’s questions might be asked to simply see if the student did or didn’t read the assigned material, other times the professor is probing for a legal analysis from the student. For first years, this might be especially difficult, given how new they are to the process. These situations may again make some law students feel cornered into the perfection/failure trap. If they have a professor whose goal is to break the students down, they are more likely to fail as they will be asked questions they can’t possibly know the answer to as they haven’t learned enough yet. For those whose self esteem relies on achievement and validation, they may not intellectually be aware that the professor was asking them for more than they should know, but emotionally they still feel like a failure for not giving a satisfactory performance in front of their professor and their peers.

These Feelings Can Be Exacerbated During The Search For a Job

These issues are often exacerbated during the job seeking process as the focus in most law schools is on the large firm, six-figure offer. Often other types of positions are not given the same attention and respect and therefore may be viewed as less desirable options. The on-campus interviewing is usually followed by an onslaught of questions by classmates, family and friends as to what offers the individual received. This is then compounded by the stereotype that all attorneys make very large salaries. So students who don’t receive those big firm offers, now have their worse fear confirmed: they are not good enough! They often have great difficulty even allowing themselves time to consider whether or not they would even want to work in a large firm environment. They just feel like a failure that they have not met others expectations and they are not good enough to work at those firms. This often can be a significant obstacle for them to be excited or enjoy the position they do accept.

Just When The Student Thinks They Have Escaped, The Same Issues Arise In The Workplace

I recently read that an estimated 70% of attorneys are dissatisfied with what they do for a living. I can remember going on a number of interviews during and after law school, where at least one of the interviewers asked why I wanted to be a lawyer, as if it was a terrible choice. At first I thought it was to test me and then I realized that in most cases it was a rhetorical question that seemed to be a way for the attorney to express their own regret. One of the situations which lends lawyers more prone to depression and general career dissatisfaction, is that in many instances where an outsider might think attorneys can get validation, they actually do not. For example, if you are representing a client in a criminal matter, civil or commercial litigation case, often the final result is a plea agreement or a settlement of some sort. In many of those situations there isn’t a clear winner and many times everyone is disappointed because someone gave more than they wanted and someone received less than they desired. This often occurs with the motivation to avoid excessive legal fees and unpredictable risks. I attended a mediation recently on a commercial matter, where after months of intense discovery and two full days of mediation, the parties were close to a settlement. One of the defense attorneys expressed what a let down it was even though we were able to resolve the case. The reason it was such a let down was because the attorney had spent so much time arguing over and over again for his client and how he had acted properly, only to then have to convince that same client to contribute to the settlement package. In reality that was likely his client’s best option as not settling would mean he would spend twice the amount of his settlement contribution on legal fees and still be at risk of losing at trial. So while all things considered it was the best result for the client, the attorney felt deflated that all of his strong arguing had “failed” and his client had no choice but to pay. Meanwhile, the plaintiffs in the matter were being convinced to accept half of what they wanted, so they were not very happy either.

Even for the attorney with a healthy self-esteem, dealing with this type of disappointment on a regular basis can be frustrating and dissatisfying to say the least, especially if you are working 70 to 100 hours per week. For the attorney whose self-esteem has always been based on achievement such cases can be more than disappointing or frustrating. They may feel deep down that had they been a better attorney they may have been able to obtain a better outcome, so what strategically might be the best result in a less than ideal scenario is felt to be a personal failure.

The Link Between Depression And Self Esteem

You may be wondering why an article about lawyers and depression is focused so much on self- esteem. Well, the reality is, whether or not someone suffers from clinical major depression or feels more of a general ongoing dissatisfaction, much of that is based upon their perception of themselves, not their actual circumstances. Many times it is the individuals who are perceived to have the lives others envy to be those that are suffering the most. For lawyers, their professional lives are often a large part of that. So if you are genetically susceptible to one form of depression or another, these issues can push you over the edge and you can become deeply depressed and be completely clueless as to why. Many people suffering from depression do not necessarily have a traumatic triggering event, which is even more upsetting to them as they feel they have no “legitimate” reason for feeling so depressed. Some law students and lawyers may feel guilty or stupid for being depressed because they have achieved an accomplishment such as getting into law school, getting the job they wanted or achieving financial success.

The good news is that I have worked with many individuals with these issues, and had the pleasure of seeing them make incredible progress through psychotherapy and some times with the additional assistance of medication. The first step is often acknowledging to themselves that depression is a legitimate condition that is treatable, and that by not seeking help the problem will generally worsen, not go away.