This powerful post is written by Anne F. Downey, Esq., a former BigLaw lawyer, now recently retired, who reflects on her husband’s sudden death during heart surgery, and the grief, depression, treatment, and recovery that followed. Content Warning:  This post contains discussions of suicidal ideation. Reader discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. You can call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US & Canada), available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. These services are free, confidential, and available to anyone.

I met my husband, Brian, in law school in 1982, and we married shortly after graduation and the bar exam in 1985. We were blessed to adopt two children and, years later, thrilled to become grandparents.

For most of our professional lives, I worked at large law firms, where I made partner, and Brian had a solo general law practice in the suburbs. For a few years, we practiced together as Downey & Downey, but when the kids were grown, I returned to large-firm practice.

On October 16, 2024, at age 64, Brian had heart surgery to replace his aortic valve. The surgical team telephoned my daughter and me in the waiting room about 45 minutes into the surgery, saying they were halfway through, and everything was going well. The surgery should be done in another 45 minutes, and many hours rolled by. Eventually, the surgeon appeared and informed us that Brian’s heart had utterly failed, and Brian was on life support. We entered the room where Brian was on a mini heart/lung machine in an unconscious state.