True Stories: One Woman Goes from Lawyering to Leaping to Boost Her Mental Health and Well-Being.

This interview is part of the ongoing podcast series “True Stories,” where I have conversations with lawyers about their journeys through mental health challenges and well-being triumphs.

In this podcast interview, I speak with Rosari Sarasvaty who grew up in Indonesia and earned law a law degree there from the Universitas Pelita Harapan and later graduated from the University of Georgia School of Law with an LLM degree, cum laude, in 2019. After that, she practiced immigration law before attending NYU Steinhardt with an M.A for Teaching Dance in the Professions: American Ballet Theatre (ABT) Pedagogy. Rosari is the recipient of the NYU 2022 Outstanding Service in Dance Education Award. She was trained in classical ballet and jazz and has performed numerous times with New York University, the Martha Graham Dance School, and Dance FX. She currently serves as the Children’s Division Coordinator at Northern Plains Dance! You can read more about her incredible journey by reading “This is Why I Quit Practicing Law to Teach Dance.”

How Lawyers Can Find Silver Linings In Dark Times

Dr. Beau A. Nelson is a Doctor of Behavioral Health and is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and the Chief Clinical Officer at FHEHealth in Florida. He specializes in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy and Integrated Behavioral Healthcare, maximizing medical, psychiatric, Neuroscience, and clinical interventions.

The philosopher Fredrick Nietzsche famously said, “That which does not kill me makes me stronger.” There’s some debate over the truth of that statement.  Obviously, some life experiences are so traumatic they leave little room for silver linings.  At the same time, emerging therapies like “Post-Traumatic Growth” look to capitalize on the process of healing from trauma or apply a strengths-based perspective that builds on successes and positive efforts to get better.

Law Firm Well-Being: A Discussion with a Law Firm Leader

Mackenzie C. Monaco is a partner in the law firm of Monaco Cooper Lamme & Carr, PLLC in Albany, New York, where she represents a wide range of clients, from individuals and local businesses to national corporations, in state and federal courts throughout New York. She is a summa cum laude graduate of the Albany Law School of Union University. Over the past few years, a good deal of national and international studies and media attention have focused on the interconnection between the mental health culture of where we work and its affect on our own individual mental well-being. Mental health isn’t just our responsibility to address and take care of – it also falls squarely on the shoulders of workplace leaders to create a workplace culture that supports good mental health. Mackenzie and I chatted about the law firm she founded with others and its commitment to a healthy workplace environment for everyone.

5 Stress Management Tips for Solo Lawyers: A Proactive Diagnosis

Lawyer Sam Gaylord blogs, “You might have already come to experience the considerable amount of stress associated with being solo, but if you are still transitioning, please don’t make the mistake of underestimating what is involved in running your own business. It’s not the same as being an employee or associate, and the more realistic you are about the demands that will be placed on you, the better you will be able to deal with feelings of overwhelm.” Read the Blog

Is it Lawyer Depression or Burnout? Telling the Difference

Burnout is nature’s way of telling you, you’ve been going through the motions, your soul has departed; you’re a zombie, a member of the walking dead, a sleepwalker. False optimism is like administrating stimulants to an exhausted nervous system.  – Sam Keen

Sitting across from Tom, a lawyer for the past 15 years, I was struck by his ashen face.  Before he said a word, before I asked him how his practice had been going, his slumped shoulders spoke volumes about a good man weighed down. As we spoke over coffee, he asked if I thought he was suffering from the “Big D” – depression.

As we spoke, he asked if I thought he was suffering from the “Big D” – Depression.

“No, I don’t think so, Tom. You seem pretty burn-out, though,” I said.

burnout 2

According to an ABA Journal article, lawyers facing increasing pressure to “value engineer” their services have adopted a “better-cheaper-faster” approach to practicing law because that’s what their clients are demanding.

This is one of the conclusions contained in a recent report on the future of the legal profession prepared by The New York Bar Association.

“Consumers have become more suspicious of institutions,” the report says, and clients are less willing to take their lawyer’s advice at face value and more willing to sue when they are unhappy. Technology is also changing client demands.

“Electronic communication has fueled a culture in which clients want more legal information, answers on the spot, and lawyers who can interpret, rather than simply provide, information,” the report says.The result is more specialization and an emphasis on ability to deliver higher quality services at a lower cost and in less time.”

This was certainly true in Tom’s case.  There were no limits to the demands put on him – by both others and himself – to be better, cheaper, and run faster.  As if he were a machine.  He hunkered down into a survival mode, had little positive energy to invest in himself or his family and ultimately burned out like a meteorite entering the earth’s atmosphere.

Just Perfect

Burnout isn’t just a consequence of trying to keep up with an insane schedule.  It’s also fueled by a common personality trait found in many lawyers: perfectionism.

Author of the book Stress Management for Lawyers: How to Increase Personal & Professional Satisfaction in the Law, Amiram Elwork, Ph.D. writes:

“Because law requires objective logical analysis and close attention to details, the legal profession attracts perfectionists. These are people who live by the rule: ‘If I don’t do a perfect job in every detail, I will fail.’ Perfectionists tend to be workaholics who are often viewed as inflexible, uncomfortable with change, and obsessed with control but unconvinced that they have it. Since perfection can’t be achieved, striving for it can cause constant dissatisfaction.”

“My clients are perfectionists,” says Alden Cass, a therapist to both corporate attorneys and men on Wall Street. “They have very rigid ideals in terms of win-lose,” he continues. “Their expectations of success are through the roof, and when their reality doesn’t match up with their expectations, it leads to burnout—they leave no room for error or failure at all in their formula.”

Out of Sync With Core Values

burnout (1)

Elwork opines that “another reason that some lawyers experience burnout is that their core values are not aligned with their own behaviors. Sometimes this problem reflects an internal psychological conflict, whereas at other times it is a conflict between the lawyer’s values and those of the organization at which he or she works.”

My friend Tom is in this boat.  He works for an insurance defense firm.  He’s a compassionate man who tries his best to be a good person.  The culture of his firm, however, tells him to “hammer” personal injury victims at their depositions and trials.  He hates to do this but doesn’t know what else to do.  He has a family to support after all.  He feels stuck at his job.

He suspects other lawyers at his firm are burned out, but doesn’t really know what a burned out lawyer looks like.

There are, however, telltale signs.

Burnout’s 10 Milestones

  • Over-commitment (always in motion)
  • Inadequate breaks and rest (continuous client involvement)
  • Idealistic standards
  • Constant low-grade stress (occasionally interrupted by crisis!)
  • Lack of help and assistance
  • Chronic fatigue from pushing oneself (“hitting the wall”)
  • Strong sense of responsibility, even when others “dropped the ball”
  • Guilty feelings about missing church events/activities
  • Heavy job and family responsibilities/expectations
  • Inability (or strong reluctance) to say no

Similarities Between Depression and Burnout

While they share some similarities, there are some important differences between the two conditions.

Both depressed and burnout sufferers show symptoms of withdrawal and fatigue.

  • Depressed individuals also show signs of hopelessness and disinterest. Severe depression can already alter the sleep-wake pattern of an individual thus triggering insomnia.
  • The most serious cases are those involving persons who possess some recurring thoughts about death. Those who experience a burnout are often accompanied by feelings of helplessness, self-doubt, and failure on top of the other feelings similarly experienced by depressed individuals.

Differences Between Depression and Burnout

Burnout is a state that is just induced by severe stress. Depression, on the other hand, is a clinical behavioral disorder affecting one’s mood. As such, it is, therefore, more appropriate to say that when you are having a burnout you are also at risk of experiencing or developing depression rather than the other way around.

  • Researchers have successfully found important physiological differences between people who suffer from burnout and those who suffer from depression: individuals suffering from burnout do not produce enough cortisol as if the body decided to go on strike. As a reversal, those who suffer from depression produce too much of it.
  • When one is suffering from depression, he or she is unable to attain or experience a state of pleasure. As a result, you often see depressed individuals shrouded in extreme sadness. Burnout sufferers look different because they feel overly exhausted to the point of doubting their own ability to carry out their regular activities of daily living. Severe burnouts may also lead one doubt his self-worth.
  • Depression is usually rooted upon a number of factors like when one is suffering from an incurable chronic disease or an extreme severance of relationship (death, breaking from a serious romantic relationship) with a very significant other. Depression has also been discovered to have some genetic predisposition and environmental roots. With regard to burnout, this condition is usually tied in with strains in work and high demand stresses of life in general.

A Strategy for Avoiding Burnout                                                            

It’s easier to avoid burnout in the first place than it is to overcome it. Here a handful of do-able strategies for escaping its clutches:

  • Rest, relax, recreate, renew. It’s the only avenue for sustaining us for the long haul.
  • Give something up before taking on a new commitment or responsibility. Don’t keep “adding floors” onto your already towering skyscraper of activities.
  • Learn to say no and to set up reasonable boundaries around your involvement. Specify the help you’ll need and the constraints on your time.
  • Set priorities and consult with your family. Service work occupies an essential role in our lives but must never take priority over family. Be willing to occasionally say no to low priority activities when they conflict with quality family time.
  • Get away from it all on a regular basis through hobbies, recreation, short “sabbaticals,” and sometimes just being a couch potato.
  • Listen to your body’s stress warning signals, such as headaches, backaches, dizziness, insomnia, and unexplainable fatigue.
  • Cut out the hurry and worry. Stress is the natural byproduct of trying to stuff 10 pounds of potatoes into a 5-pound bag. Do only what you reasonably can in the time available and with the resources available.
  • Consider changing jobs.  Sometimes the only thing you can do is leave your job and seek employment at another firm.
  • Consider changing careers.  Some lawyers tell me that they are “sick and tired of being sick and tired.”  Being burned out has forced them to confront this decision.  It can be done and there are many happy ex-lawyers out there.

Further reading —

The Happy Lawyer: Making a Good Life in the Law by Nancy Levit and Douglas Linder

The Reflective Counselor: Daily Meditations for Lawyers by F. Gregory Coffey and Maureen C. Kessler

Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Burnout – New York Magazine 

Lawyer Burnout: Avoidable, Not Inevitable – ABA Journal

Knockout Burnout! – Attorney at Work

Copyright, Daniel T. Lukasik, 2016

 

 

 

Working Through Stress and Depression

Depression is tough. Stress is also tough. Being depressed and stressed at the same time is even tougher. As a person who struggles with depression and has to manage stress on a daily basis, I have some good news for you:

Managing stress while being depressed is possible if you have a plan.

Depression has been a part of my life from as early as I can remember. Like a never-ending fog, I walk through it each day. As I have gotten older, I have discovered that it manifests itself in a variety of ways.

● Sometimes it feels like anger.
● Sometimes it feels like sadness.
● Sometimes it feels like emptiness.
● Sometimes it causes me physical pain.
● Sometimes it is a combination of the above.
● Sometimes it is all of the above.

Like most children, I wasn’t as aware of my thoughts and feelings as I am now, as an adult. At it’s worst my depression became extremely frustrating and overwhelming. The only way I knew how to cope with it was to act out.

Acting out included violent outbursts and harming myself.

● Acting out got me hospitalized 3 times in a psychiatric hospital.
● Acting out got me expelled from 3 schools.
● Acting out lead me to try and take my own life at age 10.
● Acting out mad friendships and dating difficult.

Nowadays, I still experience depression. Fortunately, I don’t act out like I did as a child. Through therapy, support groups, and being a mental health speaker, I have learned that there are other people who struggle with depression, too.

In addition to depression, I also get stressed out from time to time. Stress can be the result of challenges at work, at home, or in my personal life. Sometimes stress is the result of living your life. Let’s face it, life can sometimes just be overwhelming.

Through learning to manage my depression, I’ve also learned to better manage my stress. I’ve learned the hard way that being stressed while you are depressed is a crisis waiting to happen. If you don’t have a plan in place to manage both, it can end up costing you your job, your health, your relationships, and worst of all, your life.

Here are some tips that I have learned to help me cope. They are part of my plan to manage my depression and stress:

1. Get sun every day

According to Healthline, “Exposure to sunlight is thought to increase the brain’s release of a hormone called serotonin. This is associated with boosting mood and helping a person feel calm and focused.”

My goal is to shoot for a half an hour of sun. Ironically, an hour before I began writing this article. I was feeling extremely stressed and sad. I spent about a half an hour in the sun and am feeling much better.

2. Exercise every day

Like sun, it’s important that I keep my body moving, even if it’s just a quick ten-minute walk in the morning. In fact, you can walk and get sun at the same time. The combination of both, even for a short period of time will do wonders for your stress level and depression.

My trainer and nutritionist, Maik Weidenbach, has helped me manage both my stress level and depression with customized plans. Check out his article, Depression and Exercise: 10 Tips to Stay Motivated and Strong and his book 101 Fitness Myths.

3. Writing Things Down

When you are feeling overwhelmed, sad, angry, upset, anxious, etc…, a yellow legal pad can be your best friend. By taking a few minutes to write down everything that is on your mind you can quickly clear your head. As you clear your head, you will feel better.

Also, by seeing what is on your mind written down on paper, you will feel less overwhelmed. I am not sure exactly why this works, but it does. Ironically it’s an exercise that many therapists and professional organizers give their clients.

As I am finishing up writing this article, I feel a bit depressed and a bit stressed. Regardless, it’s not stopping me from being productive because I have a plan in place that I used to take care of myself today.

Managing your stress while being depressed is doable, but you have to be proactive. I encourage you to make a commitment to try one of the ideas listed above every day for the next week. I also encourage you to spend the next week creating a plan for yourself to manage your stress.

What will you include in your plan to manage stress while depressed?

Mike is a mental health advocate and creator of the website Transforming Stigma.  To read more about Mike and his courageous work, click here.

Copyright, Daniel T. Lukasik, 2016

Anxiety Management for Lawyers

From the Anxious Lawyer website, bloggers Jenna Cho and Karen Gifford write, “Frequently, when we experience anxiety, our first reaction is to ignore, dismiss, or to deny.  This reaction to our anxiety, may be temporary and make the feeling and somatic experiences go away, but long-term leads to unhappiness, depression and additional anxiety”.  Read the Blog

First Steps for Disillusioned Lawyers

You are not alone in your discontent with law practice.  Lawyers continue to ask whether other work, either in law or another field, would better suit their interests and improve their quality of life. Here are some tips from career coach Edward Honnnold about steps you can take now to make changes.  Read the Blog

Built by Staple Creative